


Am I Not Pretty Enough?

by RemusJohnLupin1993



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama, Explicit Language, F/M, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Pre-Slash, Romance, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Slash sex, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-11-18
Updated: 2007-11-30
Packaged: 2018-10-01 00:15:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10176074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RemusJohnLupin1993/pseuds/RemusJohnLupin1993
Summary: Shunned by all of his friends after coming out, Harry Potter has nowhere left to turn and attempts suicide. But a pretty young girl named Emily Sanders comes along and shows him what life can be, what he can be. Please Read and Review





	1. Am I Not Pretty Enough?

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you may recognize...I only wish I did but all I own is Emily Sanders**

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** Am I Not Pretty Enough? **

_Am I not pretty enough_  
Is my heart to broken  
Do I cry too much  
Am I too outspoken  
Don't I make you laugh  
Should I try it harder  
Why do you see right through me 

 

"Fag" "Poof" "Abomination" Everywhere Harry Potter turned he copped these insults from former friends, enemies, even teachers. Nobody would talk to him anymore, his best friends siding with everyone else. The Gryffindor boys slept in their old dormitory but Harry now had to sleep elsewhere, in a room Dumbledore had set up because he didn't think that a"fag like him" should be around the other normal boys. If they ever did come near him, it always ended in physical abuse. Harry had no-one to turn to anymore and he didn't think he could take it. But day after day he faced them nevertheless.

 

_I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me_  
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break  
I crave, I love, I've waited long enough  
I try as hard as I can 

 

They broke his possessions, they physically and verbally assaulted him, they tried their hardest to make his miserable life a living hell and yet Harry faced them every single day like a brave man, not a coward. He saw their looks of disgust, their anger but he soldiered on, determined not to let them bring him down with them. But inside of him was a different story. Deep down, He craved their approval of him; their acceptance would mean the world to him. But he also knew that wasn't going to happen anytime soon and that’s what was driving him to the edge.

 

_Am I not pretty enough_  
Is my heart to broken  
Do I cry too much  
Am I too outspoken  
Don't I make you laugh  
Should I try it harder  
Why do you see right through me 

 

As he wandered through the empty corridors late one night, he began to ponder suicide. He had often pictured the cool steel blade running across his wrist, the flesh splitting open, the pool of blood spreading. He was suddenly pulled into an empty classroom by several pairs of hands. He looked around to see Seamus Finnegan, Dean Thomas and Ronald Weasley. They were all cracking their knuckles. Harry tried to run but the door was now sealed with some unidentified charm. They moved in closer and began to hit and kick every inch of him. When Harry tried to move away, Ron broke his arm in two places. He was now in so much pain that he could hardly see, everything was going black.

 

_I laugh, I feel, I make believe it's real_  
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees  
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man  
I try as hard as I can 

 

When Harry woke up he was sitting up in the astronomer’s tower. His arm felt better and he didn't have any bruises. Ron and his gang had obviously hidden them so if Harry said anything, nobody would believe him. He sat up and, for the first time in a long time, he cried. He cried his heart out and that’s when Harry decided that he couldn't take it anymore. He was so sick of the humiliation and ridicule that he had been put through since his best friends had betrayed his trust and told the entire school of his secret. That’s when Harry Potter decided to end things once and for all.

 

_Am I not pretty enough_  
Is my heart to broken  
Do I cry too much  
Am I too outspoken  
Don't I make you laugh  
Should I try it harder  
Why do you see right through me 

 

Harry grabbed a long piece of glass that was lying at the far end of the room from where some clumsy student had dropped a bottle. He drew it straight across his wrist without a second thought. Harry felt nothing until the third stroke when pain rushed through, setting him free. He slashed again and again at his once flawless skin until he became so numb he could not feel anymore. "Stop" came a sudden shrill voice, breaking across the room like a vase dropped from a great height. The piece of glass flew from his hands and the wounds began to heal themselves.

 

_Why do you see_  
Why do you see  
Why do you see right through me  
Why do you see  
Why do you see  
Why do you see right through me 

 

Harry looked up to see a beautiful young woman standing near him, tears running down her porcelain face. "Why would you do such a thing?" She asked, hurt filling her voice. The young woman had long, wavy golden chestnut hair and shimmering bronze eyes. Her skin was radiant and glowing and she had a faint scent of jasmine, rosemary, lavender, mimosa and white rose mixed with glowing amber. Her vibrant rosy cheeks stood out as did her beautiful smile. She sat down beside him, brushing away the tears. "My name's Emily, Emily Sanders" She said. Harry realized she was the first person in a long time to see him as a person.

 

_Why do you see_  
Why do you see  
Why do you see right through me  
Why do you see  
Why do you see  
Why do you see right through me 

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**Please Read and Review**

**Thanks to everyone who has either read or reviewed my story ♥Hands out virtual cookies♥**


	2. Affirmation

  
Author's notes: Harry and Emily take a trip to Hogsmeade and who should they meet there but Hermione and Ron...  


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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you may recognize...I only wish I did but all I own is Emily Sanders and a pixie stick which helped give me ideas**

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** Affirmation **

_I believe the sun should never set upon an argument_  
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands  
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you  
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do  
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem  
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone 

 

Harry inclined his head to look at her fully. She had a small petite figure but was quite tall and had a medium sized bust. Her skin was flawless, except for a small heart-shaped birthmark tucked away just under her knee. All in all, she was a vision of perfection. To the straight man at least. She was wiping away her tears with a small handkerchief decorated with white lace and embroidered flowers and hearts. "Why?" she asked tenderly, her shimmering bronze eyes filled with questions that were obviously swimming around in her head. Harry breathed out and began to speak, then stopped

 

_I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned_  
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned  
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side  
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye 

 

Emily was the first person in a long time to see him for who he was and not just as "The Gryffindor Fag". If he told her the truth about his sexuality he knew she'd react just as badly as everyone else had. He thought to himself for a moment and said "I'm just so sick of being the golden boy, The Boy Who Never Truly Lived but anyway I don't mean to be rude or anything, but where are you from?" She nodded and said "I just transferred here from Beauxbatons Academy of Magic, I haven't had time to be sorted yet" Harry looked at her strangely "If you're from Beauxbatons, why do you sound British?"

 

_I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality_  
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy  
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul  
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold  
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair  
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires 

 

Emily shook her head and laughed "I was born and raised in Britain but I ended up going to Beauxbatons anyway" Harry nodded and smiled, enjoying the simple pleasure of conversation with someone who didn't know about his sexuality. She said "Wait a second...Are you Harry Potter?" Harry looked up incredously but nodded expecting her to begin drooling like all the other fan girls he had. But instead she smiled and said "Yeah I thought so" He smiled and said, rather cheerfully considering he'd just been attempting suicide, "Do you want to go to Hogsmeade tomorrow?" She smiled and nodded.

 

_I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned_  
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned  
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side  
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye 

 

The next morning was blissfully cool as Harry made his way across the grounds to meet Emily. The sun was only just rising, its sparkling rays dancing on the freshly fallen snow, showing a teaser of the day to come. He zipped his jumper up higher and stood at the edge of the Hogwarts grounds, waiting for Emily to grace him with her presence. Emily arrived ten minutes late, apologizing saying she had to meet with Dumbledore to discuss sorting arrangements. They headed out of the grounds, careful not to be seen and apparated into Hogsmeade.

 

_I believe forgiveness is the key to your own happiness_  
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed  
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists  
I believe in love surviving death into eternity 

 

Harry lead her down the street, smiling when Emily's mouth dropped open when she saw Honeydukes. She squealed and happily walked into the shop, a bounce in her step. Harry stepped in after her, inhaling the warm toffee scented air. Emily looked like a kid in a candy store, so to speak. She was walking along looking at the various candies. They stayed there for quite a while until other students began to flock into the shop. They both left, Emily holding a bag with various samples of candies in it. They went into The Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer and walked straight into Hermione and Ron.

 

_I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned_  
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned  
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side  
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye 

 

Hermione glared at him and said "Why look who it is, Ronald" Ron smiled viciously and replied "The Gryffindor Fag" Emily looked confused and said "Harry what’s going on?" Hermione rolled her eyes and snorted "Didn't he tell you honey, He's about as straight as a circle" Emily turned towards him and said "Is this true? You're gay?" Harry stepped back, not even bothering to deny it, fearing the rejection once again. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the malicious smiles on Ron and Hermione's faces. They had gotten what they wanted.

 

_I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned_  
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned  
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side  
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥  
 **Please Read and Review**

**Thanks to everyone who has either read or reviewed my story ♥Hands out virtual cookies♥**


	3. When The War Is Over

  
Author's notes: Emily's reaction to Harry's news and a blast from the past...  


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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you may recognize...I only wish I did but all I own is Emily Sanders and aforementioned pixie stick**

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** When the War Is Over **

_Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away,  
ain’t nobody gonna steal this heart away, oooh_

 

Harry turned away, tears burning in his eyes. Hermione and Ron sneered maliciously and walked off across the room. Emily placed her hand on Harry's shoulder and said "Harry what's wrong?" Harry turned towards her, disbelief running through him. "Y-you don't h-hate me" He stuttered, not daring to believe it until she confirmed. "Why would I hate you for something you can't control?" She asked and relief flowed through Harry like blood, warming him, nurturing him. She hugged him and Harry fell into her arms like a child, letting her envelope him into her warm embrace.

 

_When the war is over, got to get away_  
Pack my bags to no place, in no time, no day  
you and I we used each other's shoulder  
Still so young but somehow so much older  
How can I go home and not get blown away? 

 

"Now let’s go to Zonkos" she announced happily. Harry grinned and together they walked out arm-in-arm. Harry had never felt so accepted, so relieved. He had never been able to confide his secret in anyone without them reacting harshly. Once he had told a group of muggle boys he was friends with. Later in the day he had no friends at all. That was the way it had been then and it was the way it was now. Nobody wanted to know him or be near him once they found out he was gay, probably scared they would catch some disease from him. It angered him so much and yet he said nothing.

 

_Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away,  
ain’t nobody gonna steal this heart away_

 

After they left Zonkos, Harry bought Emily a large chocolate ice cream and together they walked up the hill towards the shrieking shack. It was a beautiful sight, covered in a blanket of soft powdery snow. Harry sat and told Emily a little of its history and revealed what the noises in there actually where. Emily was fascinated, her face lighting up like a Christmas light when she heard there was a werewolf. "Cool" she muttered "Do you know him?" Harry nodded and said "Yeah he's a great guy" Emily seemed satisfied and turned back, tossing her hair back over her shoulder.

 

_When the war is over got to start again_  
Try to hold a trace of what it was back then  
all around this chaos and madness  
can’t help feeling nothing more than sadness  
only choice to face it the best I can 

 

Harry wrapped his arms around Emily's waist. He had only known this woman for around twenty four hours and yet she had made a huge impact on his life already. She had lifted his spirits and allowed his imagination to soar in a way that only a true friend could. Snowflakes lay tousled in Emily's hair, adding to her beauty. She said "I hope I get sorted into Gryffindor" and Harry remembered her sorting was tonight. He hoped she did too so she could experience the beautiful common room and the sometimes generous hospitality of the Gryffindors. She deserved it after everything she had done for him already.

 

_Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away,_  
Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away  
You and I we sent each other stories  
Just a page I'm lost in all its glories  
How can I go home and not get blown away 

 

"Thank you Emily" He said smiling as they stood in a secluded part of Hogsmeade "Nobody has ever been so nice to me" Emily said "What, ever?" Harry realized what he'd said and responded "Once they knew my secret, I mean" Emily smiled and said "Oh, yeah, but you can't change who you are" Harry said "Yeah that's true and no matter what anybody else says or does to me I will always be a homosexual, through and through" He beamed at her. "Is that so?" came a familiar voice, unusually hard and cold. Out of the shadows stepped Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.

 

_Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away_  
Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away  
Ain't nobody gonna steal this heart away  
Ooohhh.. 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥  
 **Please Read and Review; another chapter coming up soon**

**Thanks to everyone who has either read or reviewed my story ♥Hands out virtual cookies♥**


	4. Be Strong

  
Author's notes: Remus and Sirius' reaction's to Harry's revelation....  


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**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you may recognize...I only wish I did but all I own is Emily Sanders and aforementioned pixie stick**

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** Be Strong **

_Are you swimming upstream in oceans of blue?_  
Do you feel like you're sinking?  
Are you sick of the rain after all you've been through?  
Well I know what you're thinking  
When you can't take it  
you can make it  
Sometime soon I know you'll see 

 

Harry stumbled back as he saw Sirius' gaunt face for the first time in months. He looked furious as did Remus "What did you say?" He asked, anger flitting dangerously between each word. Harry looked him in the eye and replied as best he could "You heard me" He was about to say something else but a sharp blow to his cheek cut him off. He looked up to see Emily standing in front of him, unable to believe what had just happened. Harry looked around but there was no sight of Sirius or Remus. They must have apparated after Sirius had delivered the blow to Harry.

 

_'Cause when you're in your darkest hour_  
And all of the light just fades away and  
When you're like a single flower whose colors have turned to shades of gray  
Well hang on, and be strong 

 

Emily helped him up and they walked back to school together with Harry looking over his shoulder every step of the way, obviously fearing another attack. Once they got back to the castle they sat down at the lakeside, cooling their feet in the stream. Harry dwelled on the events of that day until Emily shook his shoulder. "Harry, aren't they the people who hate you?" Harry snorted and was about to mutter something in reply when he realized that Ron and Hermione were indeed coming this way. He hurriedly shielded himself from view behind the tree but something told him they had already seen him.

 

_We're taking each step one day at a time_  
You can't lose your spirit  
Let live and let leave, forget and forgive  
It's all how you see it  
And just remember keep it together  
Don't you know you're never alone 

 

As they approached and began calling out to him, his worst fears were confirmed. They had indeed seen him. "Oy Potter hiding from us are you?" "Too scared to even look at us?" "Leave him alone" Emily's angry voice sounded. Harry groaned inwardly, knowing that Ron would not like this at all. He turned to her and said "What’s it to you?" Emily replied, this time calmly "You two are down here wasting your time by picking on such a sweet young man, you’re making him cower like a child" At this Ron and Hermione burst into laughter and Harry groaned inwardly again.

 

_'Cause when you're in your darkest hour_  
and all of the light just fades away  
when you're like a single flower whose colors have turned to shades of gray  
Well hang on, and be strong 

 

Harry stood up and said "I'll handle this Emily" Ron and Hermione laughed even harder at this statement and Ron said "Come on Hermione, we're wasting our time on this little poof" Harry's blood boiled but he remained silent. Anything he said would make then turn back around and at this point in time he wanted them gone. Once they were gone Emily shook her head and said "Why didn't you stand up to them?" Harry blinked away his tears and said "It's not just them, Emily, it's the whole school" Emily looked shocked by that "It was never like this at Beauxbatons" Harry smiled at this, wondering what she meant.

 

_No you're not defeated_  
and soon you'll be smiling once again  
then you won't have to feel it  
let it go with the wind  
Time passes us by  
and know that you're allowed to cry 

 

That night Harry entered the great hall once again under a concealment charm to hide the red welt on his cheek. He sat down at the end of the Gryffindor table, where several students either left completely or just crammed up among other people. Emily was standing in front the staff table and waving at him, beaming a smile that was lighting up Harry's grim world. Professor McGonagall rose and began to speak "This term we have a new student, transferred here from Beauxbatons" As she spoke she gestured towards Emily. "Hogwarts please give a warm round of applause to Miss Emily Sanders"

 

_'Cause when you're in your darkest hour_  
and all of the light just fades away  
when you're like a single flower whose colors have turned to shades of gray  
Well hang on and be strong 

 

Once the applause died down, Professor McGonagall took out the old and battered sorting hat. "Please treat her warmly, no matter what house she may be in" She said and placed the sorting hat upon Emily's golden chestnut hair. She sat for quite a while, causing several students to complain about the lack of food, particularly one Ronald Weasley. The sorting hat took its time in deciding Emily's place as it had done with Harry. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, the sorting hat yelled out "Slytherin"

 

_Oh oh_  
hang on, hang on  
be strong  
da da da da  
hold on and be strong 

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**Please Read and Review! Another Chapter is coming up soon**

**Thanks to everyone who has either read or reviewed my story ♥Hands out virtual cookies♥**


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